Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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