all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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