I want to make a zoo with you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
