he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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