No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize