I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
