hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
