Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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