I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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