I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
