yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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