Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
