Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
