Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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