the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize