She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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