He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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