My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
