It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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