Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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