I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
bring money and cleavage
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
