he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
