We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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