we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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