Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
