Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
