allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
