It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How's work?
Spinning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize