There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
