PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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