No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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