i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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