glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry about my life...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
