Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
