So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
