Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
