New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
