Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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