just tell him i said nine months
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
