i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
