Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
