It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
