I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
