The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
