I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
