Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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