ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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