He kissed a someone with a penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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