It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize