Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
