Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
