i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
