addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize