If that was your dad, he is hot
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
