Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
