this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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