it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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