Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
