so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
