Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
