If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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