We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
