is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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