I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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