So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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