I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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