last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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