There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
