I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to make out with him forever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize