I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
