Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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