i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize