I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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