I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
