Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
