If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
