There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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