so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize