this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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