dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
