Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.

(210): View more from Texas

i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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(631): View more from New York

Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are

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(614): View more from Ohio

Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.

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(305): View more from Florida

Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!

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