:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
