So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
