I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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