you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would fuck him just for his dog
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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