This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
