Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
