If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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