Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
