I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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