I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
