By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
