Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
