so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
