Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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