he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
