Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize