girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
