you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
