If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
