I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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