im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
