wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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