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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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